PB War: Round 2

Howdy folks,

It's late and I just got done getting nearly everything read that I need to for my classes tomorrow - ok, I have about 25% of the stuff read that I need to; that's just how it is in law school - and Hayley's in bed, so I figured this was the perfect opportunity to give everyone an update on the "Peanut Butter" War. I know, I know. You are all sick of it by now, but hey. When you wake up at 5, study until you go to school, sit in a classroom and listen to boring, rigid "teachers" who rule by fear (literally, they don't teach, they scare you into reading by threatening to embarrass the crud out of you in front of a hundred other people - for example, a teacher got a girl to cry on the second day of class...), go to work and frantically try to meet everyone's demands (since it is tax season - perfect timing), come home, walk the dog and then study until you sleep, the peanut butter war is all that's really left.

::deep breath:: With that in mind, I just wanted to let everyone know that Hayley and I decided to keep it simple tonight (since I worked later than I wanted to and hence had less than my usual 10 minutes to see my wife...) and make PBJ sandwiches. I opened my "crunchy" version of the goo (remember, it's not actually peanut butter - it has been termed "goo") and had to stir it to get some sort of consistency. My thinking was that absent any peanuts (if that's what they really are) in the goo, stirring would have been hopeless and wouldn't have done any good. Hayley proved my thinking correct by proceeding to stir her creamy goo for a good two minutes (which did not make me happy because I was hungry and felt that I needed to wait on her to be polite). At the end of that two minutes, she decided that it wasn't worth the effort and proceeded to POUR the goo onto her bread. Let me say that again: Hayley POURED the goo out of the jar labelled "peanut butter" onto her bread. Immediately following this act, she put BBQ chips (or crisps for our international friends) on her sandwich. The only real purpose that I can find for putting such items on her "sandwich" was to provide some sort of bonding agent between the goo and the jelly. I think this is more of a physics/engineering issue, so Mike (Frink), feel free to jump in with the logistics on how it actually works.

::here comes the big finale where I hammer the issue home:: To further my point that the hippies have completely ruined one of my last remaining fond memories of my childhood, Hayley took a paper towel and wiped the jar of goo from the bottom up. I have never in my life seen where someone had to wipe a jar of "peanut butter" after using the jar because it "dripped". (NOTE: I'm not saying I had a bad childhood - though I was the middle child. I'm just saying my brain is being cluttered with legal mumbo jumbo.)

I will leave you with some practical words of wisdom to live by: do NOT under any circumstances buy anything with the words "peanut butter", "organic" and "Canada" on the front of it. You are likely to be very disappointed. Learn from my mistakes (actually, it wasn't my mistake, it was my wife's intentional act...hmmm...intent...harm done to Brian...I have a feeling this is a tortious act for which there is some kind of legal remedy. Perhaps having to buy white bread or regular pasta would be adequate damages?)