I think it’s finally happened. I think I have found a reality show that I want to keep up with. I never actually thought this day would come, but I’m simply intrigued.
I stopped studying a little early last night. There’s only so much hearsay and impeachment stuff you can study before you realize that you’re not learning anything. When you finally come to that realization, it is time to stop. So I figured I’d spend some time with the wife and kid, have a look at Quicken to make sure the books were in line, and watch a little TV. I was scrolling through the channels when I came upon Whale Wars. I had seen a commercial for the show and figured I’d have a little look to see what was going on. I was expecting to see some crazy environmentalists. I wasn’t disappointed.
What I saw was a scene straight out of Seinfeld. You know, the scene where the executive from NBC is on the dingy in the middle of the Antarctic Ocean. He falls overboard and dies. Yeah, that’s what I saw. I turned it on at the point where the environmentalists were weaving in and out of floating ice on a rubber boat. It couldn’t have been more than 10 feet long. But they were chasing huge whaling freighters. I mean, huge. Hundreds of feet long. The kind of ship that could produce a wave that would tip a 10 foot rubber boat.
My first thought was “This is exciting. There’s a rubber boat chasing a huge freighter. La di frickin da”. Then the rubber boat got a little closer to the freighter and I heard one of the guys say “Throw the butyric acid”.
Huh? They are going to throw acid at the freighter?
Ok, now I’m hooked. But not for the reasons you may think. I’m sitting there saying to myself “Is that legal?”
Apparently, the butyric acid stinks to high heaven. So they throw the acid onto the freighters, the glass bottles break, and then the freighter stinks. What I didn’t tell you is that the freighters don’t just take this laying down. They fight back. They have guys manning hoses that spray water at the dinghies to keep them from getting too close. The water spray is apparently pretty intense and does its job pretty well. In addition, the freighters move through the floating ice to keep the dinghies from getting too close. They also put up cargo nets all around the ship to keep the bottles from getting on board. Finally, they have something called the “LRAD”. LRAD stands for Long Range Acoustic Device. The thing seems to be pretty nasty. It sends out a sound (that can travel long ranges, obviously) that is loud enough to cause permanent hearing loss within a very short amount of time. It was not used last night (but the Japanese did throw large metal bolts at the environmentalists. This did not make them happy. A little hypocritical, no?)
That’s all well and good, but how is a little stink going to stop Japanese freighters from whaling in the Antarctic? What are the environmentalists going to do, scare the whales away? Not quite. Their mission is to shut the freighters down.
How? Well, they were all giddy last night because they had a new weapon to use. It was an unbreakable net. Here’s the plan for this net. They would cut across the bow of the freighter at an extremely close distance, drop the net, let the freighter run it over, get it caught in the freighter’s propeller, and shut the ship down.
Well, needless to say, there were some mishaps from the get-go. They missed a couple times. But hey, how could you blame them? This was their first time trying to drop the net. It’s not like they had practice or anything (this thing is “state of the art” and a new “toy” for the environmentalists). Eventually, they got it right. They dropped it perfectly, the freighter ran over it, and the celebrations began.
Until they realized the freighter was still moving at its normal speed. What happened? The “unbreakable” net was cut in half by the huge freighter’s propeller.
At this point, I’m laughing my @ss off. I mean, seriously? Who didn’t see that coming?
Plan B. Take whatever is left of the net (it has floats on it so you can pick it up if you miss) and try again. Good plan. They got in position, crossed insanely close to the freighter, dropped the net, and...
The freighter stopped. Like, full stop. Mission accomplished? Not quite. The Japanese aren’t dumb. They let the environmentalists cross in front and drop the net. They stopped the ship, dropped a hook, and picked up the net.
Ok, this is the most entertaining thing I have seen in quite some time. The environmentalists were crushed. Their prized weapon, the one that was going to shut the whalers down for “months” was no more. First, the whaling freighter sliced through it. Second, the whalers “confiscated” it. This was too much.
Now what? More acid of course! Pure entertainment.
I’m searching the internet the whole time trying to determine how these people get away with what they are doing. The only thing I can find is the traditional environmentalist argument. It goes something like this. The Japanese are whaling “illegally”; we are trying to stop them. (Note that I’m not sure the activities are actually illegal. The environmentalists are basing their argument on an “agreement” that was signed in the ‘80s in which countries agreed to stop commercial whaling activities; the Japanese are whaling for “scientific” reasons and it just so happens that the whale meat doesn’t go to waste. It ends up getting sold and consumed. That said, I’m not sure it agreement is actually legally binding or enforceable. I suppose it’s kind of like the Kyoto Treaty – or any other international “law” – which can be followed or violated at will. Just look at the United States.)
Ok...but how does that make the environmentalist activities legal? Oh, right. It doesn’t. At best it makes these people vandals and at worst pirates. That’s what makes me torn in watching the show. I don’t want to encourage the activities, but it’s just so damn entertaining. Plus, I’m absolutely intrigued to see what the legal consequences are for the actions. It’s pure vigilante “justice” and I’m hoping they get caught.
In the end, I think the dork in me will continue to watch the show because I just want to try to figure this one out. I want to see what happens. And in the process, I want to continue to be entertained. You just can’t make this stuff up.
